Life is filled with disappointments. Things don’t always turn out as planned and we often get less than we had hoped for. Since all learning is error driven, living a joyful existence is about absorbing and embracing the insights we gain when we fail. And because we fail often, the learning never ends. Achieving perspective – the holy grail of maturity – is a lifelong journey. When “stuff happens,” it’s entirely within our power to stop and reflect, recalibrate and adapt, and then move forward with greater confidence and a calm focus on the valleys and mountains that lie ahead. Perspective is essential to accepting our mistakes and embracing our disappointments as stepping stones rather than breaking points.
Failure breeds humility which is the precursor to self-confidence. When we’re able to recognize what we don’t know and can’t control or predict, we become more open and welcoming to “come what may.” Intellectual humility is simply the ability to question whether there’s a better way. And there usually is. Necessity is the mother of invention and learning from failure is the heartbeat of continual re-imagination and constant re-invention. Openly admitting our failures demonstrates accountability and that makes us more relatable to others. Acknowledging and accepting setbacks and then figuring out the better way is the soul of integrity, grace and growth.
Failure is inevitable. It’s also an opportunity to resist the normal temptation to think the way we’ve always thought – using well-worn memory trails rather than engaging the discipline to renew our focus and endeavor to create a different future. Those who experience a serious disappointment or situation they might habitually regard as a defeat, typically lapse into a non-creative state of mind that can sometimes last for days, if not longer. In this nonproductive state of mind, some engage in denial, delusion or distortion of the true nature of the problem. If allowed to fester, anger or resentment (perhaps directed at those who allegedly caused the problem) follow. And, finally, depression – which may paralyze their thinking for an even longer period – can take hold. This downward emotional spiral is the death knell of learning, recovery and renewal.
A simple but effective method of short-circuiting this period of incapacitation and non-creativity lies in writing out all the things that are or could be good about the difficult situation or problem. The trick is to reverse one’s point of view and, in a non-judgmental way, simply ask “What’s good about it?” The answer to this counter-intuitive question often reveals potentially beneficial and useful consequences to our unhappiness. The longer the list, the greater the likelihood of discovering oddball ways of turning lemons into lemonade. You begin to replace frantic hand-wringing with cool, creative and deeper insights into vexing challenges.
Experiment with this technique. Make a list of all the thoughts and ideas that come to mind in response to the hypothetical question “What’s good about being fired from my job tomorrow?” Alternatively, what’s good about losing our biggest client? Or, what’s good about our office building burning to the ground overnight? (A place I’ve been once before.) As you make your list, focus on the positives, not the negatives. That’s the key question to ask yourself. Change your normal way of looking at ugly, disappointing events. Then ask, “How and why is it good for me?” List at least a dozen “good” ideas or answers. Then reflect on whether the situation might be a tragedy or an opportunity.
If there were a recipe for using failure as a springboard to satisfaction or success, these would be the ingredients:
❏ See the opportunity inherent in every problem. This alters your mindset and your motivation. Every innovation is the product of continuous iteration. The goal isn’t to generate instant resolution; it’s to learn through experimentation.
❏ Use failure to frame good questions that open the mind to new insights and even better questions. Ask trusted advisors, mentors or coaches for their ideas. Put some new tools into your problem-solving toolbox – creative thinkers just have more and better tools for resolving the vexing problems in their personal and professional lives.
❏ Become patient with baby steps. Incremental gains are sustainable; quantum leaps are destined to implode. It takes time to test, challenge and explore. The objective should always be progress (however small), not perfection.
We must teach ourselves that, when we miss the mark, we’re not beaten. This is the lifeblood of resilience and the fuel to seeing opportunities masquerading as problems. Learning how to tack against the relentless winds of change, bend but not break, creatively navigate the unforeseen obstacles in our path, and redirect our trajectory more adroitly are the critical skills of those who persevere in the face of their failures. And then thrive as a result of them. Failure is much more than a part of being human; it’s the propellant for getting better. And also a essential component of becoming a leader rather than a follower.